I am not a hooker
October 17th, 2006 by Wen
Well, that ought to bring in the google hits, don’t you think?
Seriously though, I hate crochet. Hate.
I know crochet is useful in knitting and I use it to edge, or seam, or for provisional cast on ( which, when you do it over the knitting needle it’s quite ingenious). But an outfit or hat or anything really, in crochet? Gah. Sooooooooooooo ugly. No drape. Looks like those coasters or toilet paper covers my grandmother made after she gave up knitting.
That is not to say that I don’t know how to crochet, because sadly, I do. I once crocheted a queen size coverlet out of Lion Brand Homespun. 19 skeins later, I also hate Lion Brand anything. I wish I had a photo of the coverlet, but I gave it to someone I don’t talk to anymore (because he is certifiably insane) and it was pre blog.
Speaking of my grandmother, it saddens me to think about why she gave up knitting. Her stranded colorwork was something to die for. Or get in fight over. (My mother gave me one of her handknit fairisles and some chick stole it out my locker at school. She nearly got a beatdown when I caught her wearing it a year later. And? It had been washed. And FELTED. I cried then, not even knowing what I know now about the work it took to make that thing. Being a knitter now, if I saw her today I would give her that beating just on principle.)
But I digress. See, the thing is- when I am bored with my knitting and tv and whatever else might distract me in the living room I likes to roams around this here innernets. And when all my favorite bloggers haven’t posted in forever I get bored with the innernets too. So I go and “stumble” around the net.
For the uninitiated , “Stumble Upon” is a very cool little feature that Mozilla Firefox has. What is Mozilla you say? GAH. It’s an awesome web browser that works great and ISN’T Internet Explorer based. And it has cool add-ons. And it doesn’t crash your computer (much smaller application compared to IE. More stable. Try it, you’ll like it I swear)
Where was I before the ranting? Oh yeah. Stumble upon. Anyway, I’ll click the “knitting/crochet” from the drop down list and then “stumble” and it will take me to whatever website it randomly generates from the “knitting/crochet” group.
Which is great, I’ve found a lot of fun stuff there. Except. Except there are a hella lot of crochet sites. (btw, everytime I type “crochet” I am saying “crotch- et” in my head. Who wants to pursue a hobby that has a crotch in it? Hookers, that’s who. Just saying.)
Too many crotch-et sites. They should just stop. Or separate the two. I know most muggles can’t tell the difference between a hook and two pointy sticks, but we knitters need our own category in stuble upon.
Because I don’t want to be known as a hooker. And neither do you.
Well, I enjoy crocheting; does that make me your favorite hooker? LOL I’ve just finished an awesome Ravenclaw scarf (knitted funnily enough in Lion Brand MicroSpun) and am now crocheting a school spirit scarf in Lion Brand (GAH!!!) Fun Fur.
One of those cool firefox plugins is a filezilla FTP program that works as a tab. Very nifty. I highly recommend it if you’re running two busy sites, like you are.
I. Love. Firefox. Once a month, or so, I go to the Extensions page just to see if there’s anything cool with which I can pimp out my browser. Right now, my favorite toy is the eQuake alert, which makes my browser window shake everytime there’s an earthquake anywhere in the world. It drives my husband nuts, which I think is cute. He’s such a minimalist. Oh, and the other thing is the JKN Email extension, where you can email a whole page to someone.
And I hate crochet, too. I have all the hooks for picking up stitches and making edgings, but I try to avoid that whenever possible. I always feel bad if I put a crochet edging on something, because even if it looks fine, I’m still just faking it and it’s probably all wrong, thereby cheapening my beautiful hand-knit object. It’s kind of like, “Here’s this beautiful thing, and I personally hot-glued some cat shit on it for decoration; you’re welcome.”