I would like to thank the Academy
February 22nd, 2007 by Wen
(music swells)
Oh my god! I can’t believe it! There are so many people I would like to thank…my family, my friends, the people who helped me get here. I had no idea when I moved to this place 5 years ago that I would so soon become part of the biggest love letter to Hollywood. I would like to thank the members of the Academy for a few things…
The week before the Oscars is hell here in my ‘hood. There are street closures, there is an insane amount of traffic that is diverted off Hollywood Blvd and up to Franklin Ave (or worse, my tiny little street that runs parallel), there are a phalanx limos idling on the streets surrounding mine for rehearsals, and then there are the ever present news helicopters hovering overhead to catch a glimpse of the work they’re doing on Hollywood to prepare for the event.
Of all of it, the traffic is really the worst. Especially since they started doing major construction work on Highland Ave right above Franklin a few months ago. So add lane closures to the already jammed traffic nightmare. This week is a thousand times worse than it has been in years past.
The helicopters are the noisiest, however. I am not really sure what they hell they’re doing hovering overhead 5 days before the ceremony. There’s nothing to see! Maybe the red carpet got rolled out, maybe the bleachers went up, but seriously there are no celebrities. But everyday, around news time, here they come. Maybe they’re trying to prepare us for the sound of Sunday.
Because there is a sound.
I found that out when I moved into this place 5 years ago. At 7am on Oscar Sunday I was awakened to the sound of an invasion. I went outside and counted helicopters numbering TWELVE circling around the Kodak theater. Unfortunately, in order to make that circle the helicopters have to pass over my house. Do you know what that sounds like after 10 full hours? It was so bad that year that I actually gathered up all my laundry and went to a laundromat just to get away from the sound.
When I got home I ran into a street full of limos.
My street is tiny. So tiny that it should only be one way, but it isn’t. So you can imagine my surprise when I turned onto my street only to see it littered with limousines . They weren’t going anywhere, and I couldn’t get TO my driveway much less access it. I parked my car in my neighbors driveway, walked to the head of the limo-fest and asked the guy to move out. He totally ignored me. I asked, not so very politely, again. No response.
I decided that there was a better way to solve the problem. I called the LAPD Hollywood division and told them the limos were blocking emergency vehicle access to my street. Not 5 minutes later a cop showed up (easy since they were all four fucking blocks away) and the limos disappeared.
They haven’t been back. Someone got much smarter and has them all park at the Hollywood bowl now.
Unfortunately the helicopters didn’t go away. But at least the deafening noise starts around noon and not 7am. But it still sucks.
Speaking of sucking, I am in my last week on my show. That doesn’t include the two weeks of wrap I have. I can’t tell you how happy I am not to have to deal with the two insane/idiotic poor excuses for DNA that I have to work with. The other two hairdressers I love, but these two bitches need to go straight to hell. Two more days.
The sucking part is the amount of work we have left to shoot. So many wigs, so little time. I’d say my arm is going to fall off, but for some reason my foot beat me to it. I am hobbling around like I’m 80.
There has been no knitting here in a week. The packages I owe people, in the mail tomorrow. I haven’t even been able to wrap my head around an Anti Social Knitting day for next month. Gah.
Sadly, this year the plan to spend Oscar Sunday somewhere else got delayed. But there is a plan starting in April that should cover next years ceremony:
I found the house on Valentines day, and the BBE put a deposit down (we’re renting) on Saturday. Sin is geographical my friends, and come April 1st I am officially a Valley girl.
Too bad it isn’t March 1st ( I would never be able to get out of this place in time for that) because come Sunday March 4th (and just one week after the Oscars) the city of Los Angeles is asking the residents of Hollywood to grab their ankles and lube up in time for the L.A. Marathon.
Maybe some knitting the next time I post? Time will tell.
Man.
Good job with the limos.
When I first moved to LA, I “lived” in Silverlake… technically. My side of the street was Silverlake, the other - Echo Park. 1 block off of Alvarado, one block off of Sunset. While the location was great and near everything… the ghetto birds got me EVERY night.
Seriously… I don’t think there was a day that went by that one didn’t circle overhead. It actually took me about a month in the Antelope Valley before I could sleep without wondering when I was going to be blasted with the sound and sweeping lights.
I actually would LOVE to live in the Valley. Maybe because I’m not a native.
I have to tell you that the fervour with which I inexplicably adore the Oscars is the final proof we needed that the universe seeks balance. Send the limos here. I love it.
(Digging the new digs.)
The new house looks great!
I lived on Victory Blvd in Van Nuys for a short time. I could never keep track of what time it was and which side of the street my car was parked on and they kept towing it! After 3 big fines it was time to move on.
I still remember the first night after I moved from LA. I was, and still am, amazed at the quiet. I could hear quiet noises from the room next door. While the new quiet was amazing it was just as amazing to realize I lived for so many years with all that noise, all the time, without realizing how bad it was.
… and that’s why I live in Santa Monica. :-p
(Where all the major arteries become parking lots during rush hour and the rent for a one bedroom shack is heart-attack inducing, but hey, the LA Marathon won’t bug me.)
Congrats on the new digs.
So I guess this Sunday would NOT be a good day for ASK.
…and that’s why I live on LA’s wang.
A house! A house! You found one, and it has a yard and a driveway and everything! J really is the BBE, huh? Yay!
Oh, and too bad about the helicopters and limos. Good job on getting the limos to move.
I live in So Cal but far from La La Land. Just watching the news this week has got me wondering why are they closing streets already? The streets were closed by Tuesday, I think. Ridiculous. Excellent way to handle the limo drivers–enough of this entitlement crap. That said I do enjoy the Oscars and am looking forward to Ellen De Generes hosting.
you KNOW that you are way too funny, dontcha? so where in the Valley are you settling????? looking forward to a bitchalong, I mean knitting eating along
Hey, congratulations on the new place! And congratulations that your show is almost over.
I think I’d turn into a raving maniac if helicopters were circling my house incessantly. Did you know you can bring down a airplane with small arms fire when it’s close enough that you can’t cover it up with your thumb, held at arm’s length? Just one of life’s interesting little tidbits of information.
Oh. My god. Thank you so much for the visual aids, they really made the situation crystal clear. I haven’t laughed that much before coffee in a while. *wipes tear from eye*